Cocaine Bear is a movie about a bear on cocaine. It is based on a true story. Sorta. In 1985 a botched cocaine run dropped a 75 pound load of cocaine in the Tennessee wilderness and later investigators in neighboring Georgia found a black bear that died after ripping through all the containers of coke. The medical examiner decided to have the animal preserved, and it still exists under the nickname “Pablo Eskobear.” Cocaine Bear takes an amusing but minor incident and turns it into a story that has about as much relationship with the facts as Bohemian Rhapsody has to the history of the band Queen, except that instead of Freddie Mercury running around on Quaaludes, you have a giant bear running berserk on cocaine. I mean, that’s almost as dangerous as a human on cocaine.
The bear in question never got the chance to attack any humans, and the film points out that normally black bears do not. However, in this story there is a combination of stray travelers doing the stupid thing and the contacts of the drug smuggler trying to recoup their loss, all going into the forest and becoming targets. Cocaine Bear is directed by Elizabeth Banks, the actor turned filmmaker who was also behind Pitch Perfect 2. It is also noteworthy as the last role of the late Ray Liotta, the star of Martin Scorsese’s Goodfellas, which had maybe as much profanity as this movie. Well, the level of profanity is probably about right, given that the human characters are being chased by a giant bear on cocaine.
Some reviewers have presented this movie as a land version of Jaws, only played for laughs. Why is it somehow funny when the monster is a bear? Well, it’s a matter of human conditioning. We see animals like fish and insects as alien, and so they are disturbing as horror subjects. Whereas soft, fuzzy animals are cute. Cats, even great cats, are soft, fuzzy animals and therefore attractive. Bears are soft, fuzzy animals. Bears are cute. They are also giant omnivores. So a black bear is a land mammal that is simultaneously terrifying and adorable. Much like Aubrey Plaza.
It is probably a spoiler to say that the movie still has a happy ending for some of its characters. Including the bear. This is another change from the historical fact, because a black bear cannot eat 75 pounds of cocaine and survive, unlike Guns n’ Roses or Republican politicians.
So go see Cocaine Bear. It’s the story of a bear.
On cocaine.