The remarks of Donald J. Trump to the United Nations, September 25, 2018
Madam President, Mr. Secretary-General, world leaders, ambassadors, and distinguished delegates: One year ago, I stood before you for the first time in this grand hall. I addressed the threats facing our world, and I presented a vision to achieve a brighter future for all of humanity.
Today, I stand before the United Nations General Assembly to share the extraordinary progress we’ve made. In less than two years, my administration has accomplished more than almost any administration in the history of our country.
Hey c’mon folks, it wasn’t THAT funny.
The United States is stronger, safer, and a richer country than it was when I assumed office less than two years ago. We are standing up for America and for the American people. And we are also standing up for the world.
I honor the right of every nation in this room to pursue its own customs, beliefs, and traditions.
What?
The ongoing tragedy in Syria is heartbreaking. I commend the people of Jordan and other neighboring countries for hosting refugees from this very brutal civil war.
Look folks, just imagine that there’s a drummer hitting the rimshot every time I finish a sentence, okay?
[bddum-TIING!]
Yeah, like that.
And what’s the thing with Brett Kavanaugh, huh? I got this Supreme Court justice, and the Democrats don’t wanna confirm him, cause they’re bringing up all these girls from 30 years ago saying he assaulted them! What is this? Everybody’s so politically correct! It’s getting to where a frat guy can’t feel a girl up anymore. Not that I, or Brett Kavanaugh, would ever do such a thing. Cause we’re not in a frat. Anymore.
OK, that wasn’t a joke. I’m sorry, where was I?
But while I’m here, I wanted to ask everybody: What’s the difference between Paul Ryan and a spineless amoeba? No, I’m asking you cause I really don’t know.
I wanted to give a shout out to the delegations from Turkey and China, but I’ve noticed they walked out of the hall. Was it something I said?
I have done more to bring about peace than any other president. Before me we were headed to war with North Korea. Now I have made peace with Kim Jong Un. Do you mind if I call you Un? We had a historic summit, and once we talked, I found out we had so much in common. Like, we both want to feed political dissidents to attack panthers. That was a joke. But that’s the other thing, we bonded over our sense of humor. At one point, Un was talking with me, and he said, “you know, Donald, dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.”
[taps the mic] Hey, is this thing on?
But to reimmerate- retitereate – say again, our priority is Peace. Peace and quiet. We believe in diplomacy. Just on our terms. America is the defender of freedom and human rights in the world. Just ask those Yemeni kids the Saudis killed with our drones. HEY!
Thanks, folks! You’ve been a great audience! I’ll be here til Thursday, try the veal!