To the extent that there is a real difference between Donald Trump’s fan club and the pre-Trump Republican Party, Trumpniks tend to share leftists’ and libertarians’ disdain for America’s perpetual military commitments overseas. So a lot of otherwise anti-Trump people saw the new president’s disdain for war and neo-conservatism as a silver lining in his election. And then he hired John Bolton to succeed National Security Advisor H.R. McMaster, when Bolton was one of the architects of the Bush Administration’s Iraq invasion, the exact sort of neocon adventure that Trumpublicans are supposed to be against.
During his tenure (starting April 2018) Bolton did indeed clash with Trump on a lot of foreign policy issues, even if he reinforced the Trump team’s hawkish stand against Iran. As it turned out though, Bolton had the right take on Trump’s dovish relations with North Korea, pointing out that the North Korean regime was testing new strategic missiles, countering Trump’s statements to the contrary.
But, according to the usual Beltway gossip, what actually killed this marriage made in White Trash Hell was Bolton’s objections to Trump’s secret negotiations with the Taliban on the month of the 9-11 anniversary. Said conflicts may have prompted Trump to announce that the hitherto unrevealed negotiations were being cancelled, allegedly on the grounds that the Taliban had killed one of our soldiers, as opposed to all the other days when they aren’t trying to do so. And while Trump apparently wanted to spring this as a stunt to convey the message that he was standing up for our troops, the rest of Washington got the opposite message from the fact that the Taliban were even invited to Camp David. The former US Ambassador to Afghanistan, Ryan Crocker, told The New Yorker: “We basically turned on the government, (we’ve) said, ‘It’s your fucking fault that we’re losing.’ ” He said that the optics of shaking hands with people still killing every American soldier they can are “mind-boggling” for the U.S. military, too. “The Pentagon would be in a fury: you kill our soldiers and get invited to Camp David.”
I mean, yes, we basically have to cut bait in Afghanistan, but the Trump Administration position seems to be just as optimistic as it is with North Korea: we withdraw all our forces and trust that the Taliban will peacefully co-exist within the elected Afghan government. And if you believe that, Henry Kissinger has a Nobel Peace Prize he’d like to sell you.
My friend Don looked at this week’s news and told me, “the White House has a turnover rate worse than a McDonald’s.” I said, “Donald Trump is like the guy who goes to the counter at McDonald’s and says, ‘I want to speak to your manager.’ And the counter boy says, ‘Sir, you ARE my manager.'”
But in the wake of all this, our accidental president has told us that he’s going to have a new National Security Advisor next week. Clearly the challenge (as seen with both Bolton and McMaster) is to have somebody who can get along with Donald Trump and still present himself as a persuasive figure on the world stage. And if I may presume, I think I have the perfect candidate for the job.
Gary Busey.
As we know, Gary Busey and Trump go way back, with Busey appearing on two seasons of Celebrity Apprentice in the last decade, before Trump left the “reality TV” business to develop a more lucrative career by screwing the country as a politician. The two men are also fairly similar politically; indeed, Busey actually preceded Trump in showing that you could still have a career after proving to be mentally unhinged.
And actually, as a government official, there would be quite a few points in Busey’s favor.
I’m pretty sure that Gary Busey is at least as qualified for diplomatic work as John Bolton.
North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un seems to have a real affinity for eccentric extroverts.
The post of National Security Advisor does not require Senate approval. Which is good, because even Mitch “the Bitch” McConnell might gag if he had to bring Gary Busey on the floor.
And Gary Busey always has an ambitious, positive approach to the world, which would be a contrast to Donnie and his Resting Trump Face.
But you might say, “wait.” You might say, “James. Isn’t Gary Busey, like, actually brain damaged?” And I say, So? Was anybody who voted for Trump afraid of a little brain damage? Would brain damage be a problem for working in this Administration? I would argue that it’s a plus. At this stage, what person in their right mind would work for this Administration? The last two National Security Advisors were dignified, rational men. And Donald Trump has shown us that he does not care for rationality or dignity. Fortunately, Gary Busey has left rationality and dignity far behind. He already has a rapport with Trump, and besides, anybody who voted for Trump clearly wanted a government that “works” like Celebrity Apprentice, so you might as well just admit it.
What is that remaining hesitation you have? You know what that is? That is FEAR. And do you know what FEAR is? FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. You know who said that? Gary Busey. And if you can’t trust Gary Busey, you can’t trust ANYBODY.